Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
