Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
