Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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