Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
