Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
