I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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