I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
