why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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