I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
