Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
