Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
a search helicopter?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize