After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize