This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
