wakey wakey hands off snakey
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
