Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
