I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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