the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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