I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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