just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
