we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
