Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
