dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
