His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
