puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
