You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
