Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
