I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
