Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
