You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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