I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
