how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
