I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
