You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
