I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
