What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This is my gift to your gina
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
