Plan B is the new Plan A
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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