I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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