that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
