Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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