So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
