omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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