it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
