so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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