Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
