I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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