I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Tell her she can't have a vagina
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just found a bag of teeth...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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