Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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