3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
