you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
