There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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