Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
