Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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