her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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