jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
