i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
