Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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