So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
