im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
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