Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
