this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
